Chapter One
The woman shown in the portrait was astoundingly beautiful. The golden hue of her silky skin was indeed striking. Her body was delicate and vulnerable yet depicted a firm steadiness. Her dark wavy tresses hugged her cold naked back. Heavy chandelier earrings hanged in her ears. It almost looked like the earrings would tear her ears out. But the most stunning aspect of her was her eyes. Her deep chocolate brown eyes. Eyes that held secrets. And regrets. Eyes that have seen too much to bear. Eyes that longed for something… for something she wanted for a very long time. But what was it?
Adrian stuck his paintbrush across his right ear. His eyebrows were furrowed in deep concentration as he gazed intensely at his work of art. But he smiled. He had to admit. He was pleased with his painting. It was probably one of the best paintings he had done in a very long time. But the painting was lacking something. Something that he should have done even before he started painting her. Adrian just couldn’t figure it out… A sudden pang of hunger pain jolted Adrian. He almost forgot how hungry he was. He finally decided to leave the painting and head downstairs to grab a bite.
It was a rainy Friday night in the middle of the school year. Adrian loved it when it rained. Especially at night. He loved the sound of the dripping water falling down from the dark sky. He loved the thunder. A unique sound that screams loud enough for almost the whole world to hear. Like it’s trying to say something. And the lightning he could never resist. Flashes of white light surrounding the sky and illuminating his home in a quick amount of time. He was home alone. His mother and younger brother were out for a birthday party. He opened the fridge and stood there looking for something good to eat. Nothing. So he decided to devour some left over Chinese takeout from last night.
Weather alerts on 7, more weather alerts on 11, a girl getting run over by a bus in Mean Girls on 50, and more weather alerts. No point. Adrian turned the T.V. off as he quietly eats his meal.
It was 10 PM by the time he finished. Sleep was the first thing that came to Adrian’s mind. And lots and lots of it. That was what Adrian wanted. No, needed. He had been sleep deprived the whole week. Essays on top of essays, tests over tests. It was like the teachers were planning a revenge on the students for making their lives miserable with grading. Then why do you guys give out assignments in the first place if you don’t want to grade them?, Adrian thought. The rain had stopped and it was fairly quiet. Adrian kicked away all the paintbrushes and numerous bottles liquid pastels that surrounded the floor and climbed on his bed. He instantly fell asleep as darkness pulled him in.
He was on a deserted island. It was sunny. The clouds were dancing with each other up above. He was doing what he does best. Painting. Painting the vast ocean that never seemed to end. Painting the happy birds that roamed freely and carelessly in the summer sky. The rough sand in which his feet were buried deeply in. He loved where he was. Where it was only him and his thoughts…. Where music played softly… Something familiar. The… U.S Cellular theme song…?
Adrian woke up to the sound of his cell phone ringing. He turned on the lamp next to his bed. The sudden flash of light burned his eyes. He rubbed them and reached for his cell phone. Adrian glanced at the small screen. Why was he calling me at this time?, Adrian thought.
“Hello”, Adrian managed to answer.
It was silent. But Adrian could hear his breathing.
“Chace, what’s wrong. Its 11:40.”
"I know…". Chace took a deep breath before saying, "But its Drew man."
"What about him"?
Chace sounded like he had the I-hate-to-tell-you-this voice
Adrian frowned.
"He's in the hospital."
Suggestion:
I think it's great, and I would probably keep reading. -smiles- You've started you first paragraph well, by creating a sense of quietness, mystery, and perhaps loneliness.
The only changes I can think of would be punctuation and paragraphing. if you're not in the mood to correct either, I could do that for you. I was the editor of an e-zine for four years and I'm a Creative-Writing tutor. I have some time on my hands and would be happy to help a new writer.
If you don't want my help, that's fine. I just hope I've helped a bit.
Keep up the great work!
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