What do you think?
Chapter 1
“Hi my name is Joey”
That is the only thing you have heard her say. It was in 5th grade and the whole class had to say hi and their names. You were two feet away from her and messing with your friend Erin so you weren’t really paying attention. You said your name after her and then sat down and listen to the teacher talk about graphs and charts. (Which you found rather boring) Not thinking about the girl called Joey.
After school and summer you would see her at the pool or on the other side of the park and she might have said hi a few times, but you would be always caught up in other pointless things. So she would look away and do whatever she was doing again. Then in September you got an invite to her birthday, Erin was going so you decided to go. Joey stared at you all though out the party and whenever you looked at her she would smile and wave. You waved back but before you could say one word to each other something would distract one of you. Now you’re in the 9th grade and you walk into the new high school and you see Joey. She has wild eyes and drops her stuff, but hurries to pick it up and runs away. She must be nervous for high school. You think and you go to 1st period and enjoy your boring day. Then, when you come home you drop your book bag and turn the TV on and see Joey’s face. You turn the volume up…”She was walking home from school at 2:32 and then at 2:39 she was confronted by two men wearing all black pants and gold shirts…” Now you are worried. You listen even more. ”…Then soon after they attacked her they shot her in the back. She died instantly.” You hear a sad sweet voice saying it’s over.
Chapter 2
“Dead? Dead? Joey…she was a good kid. Oh My God.” You think. You turn the TV off and walk to your room. You don’t believe Joey could be dead. She was a shy, plain girl. Why would anyone want to kill her? Your mom walks in the house from work she says hello; you smile and lay on your bed. You try to fall asleep but your phone rings. “Hello” You say. “Holy sh-t Dylan! Did you watch the news!? Joey. The girl from are class? I can’t believe this… Holy Crap Dylan!” You sigh. “Can I think? Call you later.” You hang up. You never really thought of Joey before, She was plain with cute eyes. She got straight A’s and has never missed school. She blended in… You knew she liked you, But you never seemed to have time to talk to her. What was the last thing she said to you? Hi? We never really did talk. Oh man you regretted that now. Big time. You started to hear the voice again. “I died. Happy? That’s all I wanted you to be.” You sit up. Nightmares. You think. But it was way too real. Is she still here? No, Impossible. Your mom walks in. “I heard about Joey. I’m sorry. Did you know her?” You nod. “I’m sorry… There is a funeral for her tomorrow. Would you like to go?” You nod once again. “Ok.” Your mom leaves you there. Soon you fall into a deep, deep sleep of nightmares and Joey.
“Sweetie, Wake up.” You hear your mom’s voice from your bedside. “You have to get ready for the funeral.” You’re confused. A funeral? Then you remember, Joey. She’s still dead. You sit up to see your mom’s kind smile. You get up from your bed and your mom leaves; you get on your suit and tie and walk downstairs. Your mom is in the car. “Come on.” She says. On the way there you think why you even care. You never talk to her; she never was your friend. She was just there. But something was making you miss her. Your eyes missed seeing her smile at you; your brain missed you thinking of helping her with her books. Your hand missed waving back at her. Your mouth missed smiling at her. You just missed her. “Here” Your mom calls with a very high pitch voice. You get out and see a casket with a picture of Joey next to it. Her body is in there. Should I go see it? You hesitate then go over there. Her Black hair is curled and her lips are pink and Rosie. It makes it hard to believe that’s a dead body. You laugh at the thought of her jumping up out of the casket and being surprised to see everyone crying over her. All of a sudden you feel numb and faint. It feels like someone is holding on to you, singing and crying. You miss me right? Miss. Miss. Miss. You look around. No one is near you. You sit down and the rest of the funeral is a haze.
Suggestion:
It's cool !!!
Nice work, I think you should keep writing it.
Maybe continue how they had this crush on each other,, but were to
busy, or shy to get close or say more than " HI "
But now that she is dead, she misses him even more than ever !!
She is not really busy now ( All she has is Time )
And the shyness is drifting away… she is getting BOLDER
He ,,,, by the way what is the guys name ?
He misses Joey, but has to live life , and school. But she does not
want to say Good Bye, the nightmares continue !!!! Oh do they …..
When will she maybe come out of the dreams, and reappear
to him ??
What will she do to him ?
Maybe he starts to eye a new girl ?
.
Good Luck !!! I think you could go for a chapter 3 or 4 too.
